hotel room ftw
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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