I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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