Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
