I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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