He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
