I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
