This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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