stop calling my apartment porn island.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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