Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
