i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
