i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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