just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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