if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
