it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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