I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
