So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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