Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
