Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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