Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
