then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just found puke in my bra..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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