She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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