party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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