u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I need a beard to bite.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
