We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
