I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
