Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
