College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
