i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
