I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
