Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
