Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
