put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
