What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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