I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
