I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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