Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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