walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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