Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
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i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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