I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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