last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
