it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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