I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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