Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
