Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it glows. i had to have it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
