I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
