I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
