dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
