I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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