Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
