I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
