Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
