So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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