i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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