She said her name was "party"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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