I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
