I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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