lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
