Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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