Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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