between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
