Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm like, not good at living.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
