You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now