just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
