I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
