5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
