I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
