I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
