I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You need a sexual gate keeper
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
