In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
