So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
