we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
