You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize