Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
