It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
