i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
