We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
