You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
