Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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