So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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