even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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