So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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