How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
